Don’t give away your power.
Many times, I’ve witnessed women giving their power away to men. You start out strong, confident and having a full life, and as the relationship progresses, you wake up one day realizing you haven’t spoken to your friends in months and your whole life revolves around supporting the man in your life.
Boundaries are very useful because they act like a “fence” protecting your property. When you have healthy boundaries set up that you stick to, it gives you more freedom to make better choices in your romantic life. Another advantage to healthy boundaries is that they help you easily recognize others who take personal responsibility and respect themselves, making it easier to zero in and attract (or stay with) the right mate.
Many women I coach often arrive at my doorstep with a history of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in their past relationships. We end up finding out that they’ve compromised too much at some point to avoid being alone.
Take a look at the top 7 signs that you have unhealthy boundaries in your relationship:
Adjusting your life to suit a man’s schedule
Giving in to anything that is not aligned with your values
Settling for less than you know you really need or desire
Staying in a relationship that you know is past its deadline
Smothering the person you’re dating with excessive needs or control
Going back to a relationship that you know is over
Entering a relationship to avoid being alone
After a lifetime of dating and having relationships, I have experienced all of these at one time or another. In one relationship I had many years ago, I fell head over heels in love and suddenly found myself in category 3. He was gorgeous, charming and romantic… and had divorced 4 times, was emotionally unavailable and still had feelings for his last wife.
It was so frustrating because we had a very real, deep connection but he kept (emotionally) going in and out of the relationship. He’d be all in, and then suddenly all out. What I needed and desired was his full attention and commitment but I kept settling by forgiving his behavior in the hopes he would eventually change. After a year of this, I finally rose up and honored myself by ending the relationship.
To get you started on the road to honoring yourself, the first thing to do is throw out the list you have of your perfect partner. It likely reads something like this: Athletic, perfect body, powerful leader, wealthy, ambitious, fun, witty, smart…
I have yet to meet anyone who got divorced or broke up because their partner wasn’t witty enough! .
Instead, I want you to get clear and make a list with your preferences and the character of your ideal partner. An example of a character trait would be how they treat themselves, you and those around them. Do they treat waiters like servants or do they treat everyone with respect and a sense of equality?
Your preferences are your common interests, goals, and values. When you list those out, think about what you could live with in another person and also what you could not live without. Just like the relationship I was in years ago, I got clear that I couldn’t live without a man being emotionally ready for a relationship. Look at your past or present relationships for clues.
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